Separate Forever?
by Crazy Danae
Summary: The series finale in December just about wrecked me. It doesn't seem right that the Doctor is to be denied what most of us take for granted. So I'm going to try and fix that... Chapter 2 still up. Little snaffu with Ch 3... Sorry!
1. How the Mighty Have Fallen

_**Summary:** Why is it that they always separate the Doctor and Rose? Why is travel between dimensions "impossible"? And why did the Doctor give up so easily?_

_**A/N**: I have found a new and everlasting new love… Doctor Who. It's everything a Sci-Fi show should be… action-packed, light drama, and a hefty dose of humor thrown in for good measure. I'll admit that I didn't get engrossed in it until this new series began… but now I'm absolutely and completely hooked. But the "bad" thing is that they don't follow with my fiction moral code… There are a few things that need to be fixed here…_

_**Disclaimer:** As much as I would have loved to be the genius behind "Doctor Who," it began way before I was even born. And as much as I would love to claim some of the characters as my own, they aren't. This fan fiction is not intended to claim any ownership of "Doctor Who" besides a fierce love of it and this is a celebration of some of the things I love about it._

* * *

How the Mighty Have Fallen

After Donna had been left behind at her request, he'd felt black indeed. He'd taken _Her_ presence for and hadn't realized how much She'd balanced the blackness in his soul. Actually, She'd made him feel like he'd had a soul after all. She had been his light in the darkness… The joy in his grief… More than anyone, he knew the futility of railing against destiny, but he wanted to scream at the universe in anger and defiance.

He allowed the TARDIS to make all the decisions for his next stop as he could only wander aimlessly around the ship, soaking in the memories. He entered the Closet and saw the dress… the dress She had pitched a fit about wearing. He could almost hear Her arguing. Oh, She'd secretly enjoyed playing dress-up, but She'd never looked at that outfit the same again after… A tear coursed down his cheek and he had to turn away.

He wondered why he was roaming around the ship anyway. It was filled with memories of Her. He shrugged. His feet, like the TARDIS, was on auto-pilot so he might as well see what they wanted him to.

He passed Her bedroom. He'd never told Her, but he'd spent quite a few nights staring down at Her. Time Lords required little sleep, so he'd had plenty of time. He hadn't told Her because he was afraid She would have hysterics. He'd missed the humor in Her eyes while they were closed, but had drunk in the peaceful beauty of Her face. One time, he'd even been tempted to crawl in with Her… She'd just looked so comfortable and he'd needed the comfort. Only his exquisite sense of the appropriate had stopped him, but he'd actually taken two or three steps into the room before that sense had stopped him. With Her, he'd done things he never would have contemplated before, but that didn't make him uncomfortable. He'd actually felt more free.

He stopped at the loo even though he didn't need to use the facility and had to laugh shortly as he remembered Her horror when he's walked in on Her in the shower. He hadn't been able to understand Her anger, but realized now that he'd reacted to Her as any human man would have. He could feel his hearts stutter as he relived again the knowledge that he'd delayed too long… that his assumption of nearly endless time had robbed him of something… something important.

He glanced in the mirror and could see Her primping before it. He knew that She always wanted to look her best, even if they were visiting prehistoric Earth. He'd always wondered about that. He thought She always had looked wonderful and never had understood why She spent so much time trying to look even better. As he stood there, staring at the mirror, he noticed She was crying. His mind searched for a memory of that image. At first, he wondered if it was the day of Her father's death, but realized that She wasn't wearing the same clothes. He wondered at his perfect recollection of all their times together, but that wasn't important right now.

The image stared back at him. The eyes widened in amazement. He couldn't tell if this was real or perhaps just his imagination and wishes playing tricks on him. He could have sworn that he didn't have an imagination, but he had no actual proof of that. If She was real, could She hear him? Her mouth kept opening and shutting, but he didn't hear anything. He was tempted to bring out his sonic screwdriver to determine what was causing the phenomenon, but if he interrupted the flow, could he reinstate the contact?

She put her hand on the mirror and drew closer. Involuntarily, he matched her pose and all conscious thought fled. All he could do was stare and listen to recriminations in his mind. He'd never told Her… She had been torn from his side and he'd never told Her… Tears began to stream down his face again. He wondered what it was about this loss that caused him to weaken so. Her hand moved and traced the trail of tears.

"Rose?" he whispered, unable to contain himself and heard hope imbue his tone.

"Doctor?"

* * *

_**A/N:** Well, how do you like it? This is my very first "Doctor Who" fan fic… and because I love the show so much, I'm afraid I'm not doing it justice. What do you think?_


	2. You Think It's Going to Last Forever

_**A/N**: Yes, it's true. I'm stuck on "Doctor Who". I love it. I can't bear to be without it. Finally, I understand my friends that don't live in the U.S.A. and have to wait for television shows and sometimes movies to be released. I'll tell you right now… It makes me want to move to London…_

_Oh, and a note on the titles… I haven't named them before like this so I was flying off the cuff. Then I was watching Series 1 again and I found that certain lines seemed to be perfect one-liners to make into titles. How fun! Of course, while thinking of titles, I was going from all walks of life… books, TV, music… and some of them were possibly very appropriate so I've kept them on my potential title list. Tell me what you think!_

* * *

You Think It's Going to Last Forever

_I have tried to adapt to this new Earth. Mum and Dad are blissfully happy. Dad's driving Mum crazy about her pregnancy, but she's loving every minute. Mickey… Well, Mickey couldn't be happier. He's a bigwig at Torchwood now. No longer does he feel like a living, breathing K-9 unit. I'm one of Torchwood's "star" instructors for the new recruits. I guess it's better than working in a shop, but I can't find any joy in it. My soul has been torn from me… My heart is missing, even though I can still feel it beating. Oh, Doctor! It doesn't matter that I'm not trapped in the Void with the Daleks and Cybermen. This is my hell because it's a universe without you in it!_

Rose had to stop writing in her journal otherwise her tears would blot her words and she wasn't certain she could write it again. Dad had insisted that writing in a journal may help her work through "this." She'd resisted until he'd reminded her that if she could write down all her memories of everything she'd seen, it could be of use in the future.

She looked around her room. It was decorated as nicely as anything she could have dreamed of before... but it was just a room. Never before had she been in such luxury and maybe, in other circumstances or a different time, she could have enjoyed it more. But the last place she wanted to be was there… in an ordinary room… in a mansion on the outskirts of London.

She could feel the anger building again and used her deep breathing to calm down. She'd spent a lot of time being angry at this father who wasn't her father. She'd railed at him for days until she'd finally holed up in her room. It had taken her mother's gentle pushing to get her to realize the futility of it all. He'd actually saved her from a fate worse than death. But everyone wanted her to be happy here… to forget the Doctor or to miraculously move on. The effort to try and be "normal" made her temper even less uncertain than normal.

She felt as if she was roaming through the days purposeless… lifeless… She was constantly in misery and sometimes wished that the Cybermen had just been able to "upgrade" her or the Dalek had just exterminated her when they had the chance. Maybe if the Doctor could have just let the soul of the TARDIS take her… Why was she still alive if all she was in was misery?

She sighed deeply. When did she turn into such a whinger? She was _alive_! That was what the Doctor wanted all along! It was why he'd been so pissed when she'd transported back in! Of course, they'd been unforgivably sneaky about her original transition, but still... It hadn't mattered. Oh, she knew they all thought she was too young to be making these life and death decisions, but the minute she'd stepped into the TARDIS, she hadn't been so young anymore. She'd seen too much… experienced too much… They should have _known_ that she was going to make her own decision without their assistance.

Angrily, she kicked around her room. She could have gone downstairs and talked to her mum, but that couldn't be a very productive conversation. Mum had never approved of the Doctor and how he "put" her in danger. She'd always assumed that they'd been having some sort of lurid affair even though Rose had denied it so often that it made her irritable to even think about it.

Mickey was glad he didn't have the "competition" anymore. He didn't understand that he and Doctor weren't playing the same game even. She loved him, but she couldn't contemplate starting a romantic or even sexual relationship with him again. It seemed too much like a betrayal of the relationship she'd lost. She sat down and stared into the fireplace for a moment. Is that because he was always more like a chum or a brother? She'd known him for most of her life, after all.

She frowned. Was that really all it was? _I was perfectly happy with him until I met the Doctor,_ she thought sadly. What was it about the Doctor that had thrown Mickey entirely in the shade? She thought of her first meeting with the Doctor. He had been fascinatingly unique and abrupt. He had been determined to protect the human race, but had seemed quite cranky about that. But when she had helped him defeat the Nestene Consciousness, he'd looked at her with such… surprised admiration that she just knew they'd make a great team.

But when he'd offered, Mickey had been the one to cry and try to hold her back. He wanted her to stay the same as always. Perhaps that's the only way he'd feel worthy. And she'd nearly given up on the adventure of a lifetime. She'd almost given up the opportunities that had waited before her. Even after she'd come back to visit, he was always whinging about her choosing the Doctor over him. It made her cringe every time. It was like he was trying to force her to prove her love for him.

"I do love him," she muttered aloud to the silent room. "But now it's more like a brother or my best friend… and he wants to start again. But after the Doctor…" She choked to a halt. It was impossible to go any further. Oh, nothing "inappropriate" had happened between them, but he'd been too much in comparison with Mickey. _I was his companion and that meant a lot._

Sarah Jane had even tried to warn her. To warn her that the Doctor would eventually leave her behind. That no matter what their relationship, eventually she would be on her own… without him. But she'd felt that could never happen to her. That, if anything, she would die on one of their trips but he'd never leave her behind.

She slumped in front of her vanity. He'd tried to warn her… tried to protect her… but she'd been so headstrong. And that last conversation… Her eyes started to blur as she could see him before her, struggling to say the words she'd hoped he felt. And she had begged him for hope… for a possibility that she could at least see him again. But with his trademark bluntness, he'd dashed her hopes. He'd said that travel between dimensions was impossible and, even if he'd wanted to, he wouldn't be able to come and get her. She hadn't... didn't... care if the two universes would collapse if they attempted the impossible. What was the universe without him?

She looked at herself and would almost wager that he would be disgusted to see how she looked now. She was absolutely pathetic with those tears coursing down her cheeks and making her eyes all puffy. Not to mention the rat's nest that her hair had become. She prodded at it feebily… trying to put some order to it. She wondered if that was because he'd felt that she'd be so much happier with her mother… that if he'd somehow found a way, she would eventually have hated him for taking those most familiar to her away. She looked in the mirror and could see the Doctor as she'd last seen him. The sadness in his eyes was almost more than she could bear and tears were streaming down his face.

_Cor blimey!_ Her mouth dropped open in shock. _I'm not sure I've ever seen him actually cry before._ She looked at the face in the mirror. She tried to shut her mouth, but it kept falling open. She stood up and leaned closer. As she had at Torchwood, she put her hand up to the mirror and he matched her. This time she could see it as well as feel his presence. _Is it really him?_ her heart beat painfully in her chest. Looking at the tears now, her heart felt like breaking for the pain he was so apparently in. She raised her hand and traced the trail of tears down his image's face. If nothing else, this was exactly what she needed… a way to see his face again.

"Rose?" She could hear his voice as if he was standing right beside her. She shivered in delight. What was it about this man that could do that to her?

"Doctor?" She cringed because she knew she sounded breathless and overeager, but she was. To have contact with him again… To see him again… She could feel life streaming back into her as she gazed into his face. He dashed away the tears as if he was ashamed to see him weak, but she smiled with joy.

"How is this possible?" He frowned, but his eyes never left her face and his hand remained where he'd placed it. She moved her hand to join his.

"Who cares?" she laughed. "I never thought I was gonna see you again."

"But I'm not by a supernova… I'm not even in the control room. How could this be possible?" He looked like he wanted to take apart the mirror to find the glitch, but Rose was relieved that he hadn't.

"You're always soooo certain about what is possible and impossible. Can't you just be grateful for this?" Rose was starting to get upset. It was almost like he didn't want this miracle to be happening.

He looked at her in shock, but smiled. "Damn, I've missed you," he breathed.

Her heart melted. "Did you really?" her voice vibrated with the need for him to miss her as much as she'd missed him. It almost felt like she was begging, but she could only shrug. The last few months had been hell and she needed his reassurance… something that said she hadn't suffered alone.

His face fell. "You don't think I did?"

"Well, I'd hoped, but with you…"

He laughed. "Oh, certainly… Certainly. Can't tell with me, can you? Well, this is amazing!" He looked at her closely. "Did you develop a means to communicate between dimensions? Is that what happened."

"Yeah, right! Me, the technology genius. Be serious, would you, Doctor?" It didn't matter that they'd been apart for months. They slipped back into their banter with little trouble. Suddenly, Rose wondered if this was a good thing. What if they could only communicate at this time and in this very limited place? Wouldn't that be worse? And if she stepped away to tell her mother that she was going to stay up in her room forever and to bring her food upstairs, would she break the connection? And the Doctor was in the TARDIS… Didn't he have to run the ship? He couldn't just stay in the same spot forever! "Doctor, what are we going to do?"

He looked at her and she knew that he understood exactly what she was asking. "It's been really difficult without you, Rose," he said sadly. "My travels don't seem as interesting."

"Who's operating the TARDIS? Where are you?"

"In the loo," he said with a slight blush.

She was shocked by both the answer and the physical response. "In the…? But you never… I mean, you never seem to…" An odd thought crossed her mind and she smiled slightly. "You're not now…"

He gaped at her and she had to fight back a laugh. "Of course not! I don't… That is…" He looked at her face and smiled. "Well, I certainly wouldn't tell you if I were, would I?"

They laughed together, but she sombered quickly. He obviously didn't want to talk about their predicament either. She looked at their hands and imagined she could feel their connection surging through the glass. "This isn't normal, is it?" The hopelessness returned to his eyes as he shook his head. "We have to find out why it's happening…"

"But if I try to examine the mirror, we might…" He stopped, but they were both thinking the same thing.

"But if this is opening the Void again, we _have_ to find some way to stop it." Rose could feel the tears starting again. "That's why I'm trapped here… because it was too dangerous to both dimensions to have a portal even slightly open." Her determination had a marked influence on the Doctor. He straightened his shoulders and his smile filled the glass. Rose's breath caught in her chest. _Damn, but I've missed that man! How can I possibly go on without him?_ But she didn't voice that aloud. They were almost required to do what was best for the universe without consideration for themselves.

"Have I mentioned lately that you're fantastic?" he crowed and she laughed in response, which is what he wanted her to do. His eyes took on a faraway cast which showed that he was trying to figure out the logic for this problem. She could only hold her breath and wait.

_**

* * *

A/N: Oh my goodness! Such a warm response! I do have to say that I feel this fic isn't as planned out as my usual fare, so I'm worried, but with such encouragement, how can I quit? Oh, and "whinger"… It means "whiner" in British slang. Gosh! You gotta' love the internet for researching stuff like that!!!**_

_This chapter is longer because I'd only intended the first chapter to be a prologue. Tell me if this is too much… too much exposition. Now at the end, I'm thinking I'm letting Rose whine too much, but I don't see that it would be in anyway **easy** for anyone to get over the Doctor!_

_Anonymous & Hannah: Thank you **so much!!!** I always love it when people like my writing!_

_ParkerEvanss: I didn't have any clue that was going to happen… not really. But when I saw what she was doing… I knew. (Of course the beginning where she said she died was a good indication of that.) I was practically screaming at the screen, much to the amusement of my family…_

_As you will see, I'm planning on alternating between the two universes. Plus, I'm not super-confident in my ability to really write from a male perspective, so I figure that way I'll have it easy half the time anyway… :D_

_markmark261: I know what you meant about the capitalization, but I thought that if the Doctor was pining over Rose, then he would be thinking in caps! ;D_

_Gatekeeper: This story came to me so suddenly that I haven't really had a chance to outline it properly or work ahead much. I will be updating as often as possible (probably once a week), but I really appreciate your enthusiasm. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! ;D_


End file.
